MBA? Check. Job? Check. And Some Meaty Horizons...

I am a graduate, again.  A Master in Business, specifically in Global Social and Sustainable Enterprise. On December 15, 2012, 19 of my Cohort members and myself walked ourselves across the stage with new ambitions, lessons learned, pages turned, and even a new 8-month old adorable addition to the GSSE family.  It was a haul my friends, like running a marathon at breakneck speed (not that I have any idea what running a marathon entails).  I have a feeling this experience will take a while to fully develop and reveal its impact; there is no possible way to download the last 18-months in a few thoughts or paragraphs.  I still feel this was exactly the right program for me.  Having followed my own drumbeat for a very long time, it was such a privilege to work with faculty, staff, and teammates who truly celebrated differences and helped me evolve as a professional and a person.  A hearty thanks to the village who helped make this happen!  You are some damn fine people.

Global Social and Sustainable Enterprise MBA graduates - Cohort 5

 Fort Collins Brewery donated some space so we could celebrate in style after the big walk.  Yet another perk of getting a Colorado MBA, the microbrewery scene.  The night carried on and professors, parents, and students celebrated our accomplishments...some until 3:30 in the morning (nice one Dad).

Thanks for the support friends!

Fitting gifts for a business graduate, a pen to sign an offer letter (thanks mom and dad), a business card holder that reminds me to get out and fish, and some sound advice from a fellow Peace Corps friend.

Really doin' it!

The best part of the entire graduation experience was that my Dad was able to come out and share the glory.  College is a big deal in our family and it wasn't just me that walked across the stage when they called my name.  Cheers to the Miller Clan :)  Dad showed up at 8am for coffee and some last minute ironing and dropped me off at the door of the auditorium since it was maybe the second time I'd worn heels in years.  Ouch.

Thanks for making the trip Dad!

I'm fairly certain I sold Dad on Fort Collins, not that he needed it.  Between the breweries, Old Town, and hiking, we did the Front Range right.  Looking forward to more family and friend visits out here; talking to you Emily Turza and Kim Ranly!

Just another day in on the front range

After the dust settled and Dad flew out, I took myself up to Leadville and Ski Cooper for some much needed reconnecting with friends and mountains.  Had a lovely beer pairing at the Tennessee Pass Cookhouse and got to snowboard opening day on some fresh flakes.  Even though it's at 10,000 feet, I always breathe a little easier up there :)

Celebrating opening day at Ski Cooper with all natural snow :)

Which is why I'm excited to say that I've decided to stick around Colorado for awhile!  My last semester of school was spent working with FishChoice, a nonprofit that helps businesses source and sell sustainable seafood.  They offered me a position and after evaluating other opportunities, it really wasn't even a question that I wanted to stay right here and make this project a reality.  Much, much more to come on that but most important right now is that I'm working with fantastic people on something I truly care about, food!

Working on what I love: food!

Holidays spent back in Ohio were fantastic.  Don't know when I'm headed east again so it was nice to relax, eat mom's food, and pet my dog.  On a final note about new beginnings, our faithful beast, Zeus checked out the day after I returned to Colorado.  He'd rallied hard for the holidays but after well over a decade on Miller's Happy Acres, he was ready to go meet the other 4-legged family members who have touched our lives.  Mom wrote a great blog about him and we continue to reminisce about the years of stories he amassed. 

Animals teach us a lot; forgiveness, compassion, unrelenting focus on the things you truly care about (tennis balls), and never to settle for kibble when you can train your humans to feed you from the table.  These are much more important lessons than anything we will ever learn in a classroom and I'll be carrying them forward into my 2013.  

Happy New Year everyone, let's go do some great things!

Zeus, the wonder dog

Net Impact...for whom?

It is remarkable to think that I was at this same conference a very short year-ago in Portland.  Much has changed and it was gratifying to attribute many of those changes to my MBA program.  It's like we're learning....  

The Cohort 5 and 6 executive members of Colorado State's Net Impact chapter headed to Baltimore this year to represent our newly achieved "silver status".  Woot!

CSU has arrived Baltimore!

We kicked off Thursday night with some stellar keynotes.   Freeman Hrabowski (<--Click for AMAZING Time bio), the president of the University of Maryland (Baltimore County) received a standing ovation for his recount of time spent in jail at the age of 12, earned during a march for  civil rights in 1960's Alabama; followed by a rousing articulation of the gaps in the US education system.  Yes, we are broken.  Yes, we have certainly lost our edge on the hard sciences...but he finished on a high note borrowed from Aristotle: "Choice, not chance, determines your destiny." And the conference was off.

That night we were all eager to get out and enjoy the bounty of the east coast.  The food in this town is incredible and my fellow Cohort 5 ladies and I blew through our food budgets with no guilt whatsoever. I've been on the strict grad-school regimen of rice, beans, coffee, and beer.  Bring on the homemade charcuterie and crab cakes!

 Crab dip and Ahi tuna...not totally proud of the tuna choice.

Home (restaurant)-made charcuterie!

Something that drove me crazy at last year's event  as well as this time around was the OVERabundance of disposables used.  Yes, there were 2,700 participants.  Yes, we are all caffeine crazed type-As.  Yes, I understand the environmental impact of producing a zillion reusable coffee mugs is probably greater than the waste generated by the thousands of paper cups pictured here.  Most worrisome were the hoards of sustainability professionals dumping their cups into the landfill box with a pitiful shake of the head and a "FOR SHAME" look of distain...as they added to the piles.

Sustainable business conference FAIL

People.  This is NOT what Aristotle was talking about.  Choose a better destiny and BYO Cup. 

I realize this is an ironic rant to directly follow my indulgent food pictures.  It's my blog.

I was struck by how different I felt leaving this conference in comparison to last year.  In fall of 2011, I was just cutting my MBA teeth.  Eager to absorb and near desperate to get a handle on this animal called sustainability, I took every panel in with a breath of hope and heard a positive message.  

Cut to fall 2012.  A year into my program and 8-weeks away from graduation, I was initially startled at the critical attitude I was applying to each speaker.  Why didn't the One Laptop per Child founder address his impact measurements at all?  Why doesn't the speaker from Merck Pharmaceuticals know more about the company's water usage?  What is Coke doing speaking about product liter for water liter usage and restoration efforts in such vague terms that it seems to be happening in a galaxy far, far away?  And why, OH WHY is Monsanto at the career/exhibition fair?????

The fact of the matter is that sustainability has. no. definition.  Theoretically, it means to operate in a manner that leaves enough resources for future generations.  I believe it is also a subjective term that aligns with one's personal values; animal rights versus hormone usage versus labor exploitation versus natural resources versus profit maximization versus job creation versus what feels good in your heart and mind...your sustainable reality is based on what matters to you.

What does that mean when we're facing a rapidly escalating population that will hit 10 billion (in my lifetime)?  I realize it was necessary to pull the big hitters in, such as Johnson & Johnson, PepsiCo, and General Mills.  These are industry giants that have the dollar power to shift markets with sourcing and marketing decisions.  However, when we are given the corporate line over and over on Proposition 37, lack of consumer confidence, and ambiguous language on global water governance, engaging with giants becomes tiresome. 

I appreciate the mostly sincere effort to engage in these conversations by the corporate players.  Business-based global alliances are just as powerful as the political ones and certainly play with more flexible dollars.  Coming away from the conference this year, I realized that I have no idea where I belong in this world.  

While I will always lust after a cabin in the woods near a babbling brook...is it finally time to put the big girl suit on?  Is it worth it to jump in and attempt to make incremental shifts in the companies where change is slow to come but large when it arrives?  Do I shoot for the smaller, more agile organizations, whose goals I more likely align with.  I no longer feel that corporate = greed or that start-up = poor or that nonprofit = altruistic.  The rules are constantly bending, changing, and being rewritten.  All I'm sure of is that I want to be one of the co-writers.

Fall Colors...of Rejection

Autumn has hit Colorado with full force.  I don't remember being so struck by the colors last year.  Perhaps that's because I was preoccupied with drinking the MBA kool aid through a fire hose, as one professor put it.  The sky is still shockingly, Colorado blue most days but I can't say I don't wake up giddy when it's overcast and gloomy; reminiscent of Alaskan summers....and Ohio most of the year.  

This is also my cohort's season for job applications.  While I'd give anything to break-in my new Simms (!) waders a little more often or even read a book for fun, the job hunt relentlessly calls me... more like nagging really.  This on top of the final semester sprint of grad school.  Busy? Yes.  Ready to put the last 18-months to good use? Absolutely!  Time to find a new sunrise to follow?  You betcha!

While I've only just started shooting out inquiries to all corners of the ethers touting my amazing ninja-employee skills, I did recently receive the nicest rejection email one could get.  A personalized, two-paragraph letter from the interior of Alaska saying that I in fact, do very much align with their organization's mission, I just need more experience.  Now, I've had a hell of a time traveling, Peace Corps-ing, fishing, Alaska-ing, and learning.  No apologies and no regrets but geez is it hard to convey that much awesomeness and that many lessons learned in a cover letter.  And really, if someone is going to reject you for a job, feedback is like a runner-up prize...so I got that going for me.

And so when friends went out for a little jazz and fancy drinks last night, I indulged in a smoked salmon martini with bleu cheese stuffed olives...because it certainly tasted like Alaska since I can't get back there just yet.  

Took myself out of Fort Collins proper today, enjoyed the tree colors popping against the grey sky and discovered one more maintained natural area, managed by the city. Enjoy the photos, hopefully more to come as I have mandated personal outings to keep the sanity alive.

Hello Self...and a movie of my trip

"On paper", this summer has been fantastic and full of adventures.  But just so we're clear, the paper version usually omits the internal wounds, trips to Crazy Town, and the spontaneous moments of blubbering that usually alarm strangers.  But through a certain lens, I am one lucky lady.

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Since the last post, I finished getting the Adorable Truck road-ready and set off to have a few of those discussions one has with oneself when you two haven't spoken in a very long time.  I delivered a case of "thank-you beer" to my guardian angels (Rocky Mountain Mechanics) at 7am and hit I-25 north to the Tetons.  Most of my summer obligations here were fulfilled and I had planned to take this chunk of time off in Alaska anyways.  No use sitting in my 120-degree apartment during one of the hottest summers Fort Collins has seen in awhile.

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After a day's worth of driving, I arrived in Jackson Hole...and was promptly smacked in the face by the Tetons.  They weren't really even on my radar as I was suffering from Yellowstone fever, but friends had emphasized their grandeur.  At this point in the trip, I still wasn't able to make it through the "Best of the Dixie Chicks" album without cursing men and instilling fear in fellow motorists with my monologue rants about life's injustices, complete with gesturing (the truckers were definitely on their CBs about the wacko lady in the white truck) .  But then I saw the Tetons.

Sharp, craggy, and unapologetically in-your-face; these mountains evoked a feeling I hadn't experience since standing in the presence of Denali the first time she showed herself to me.  While ruthless in the worst of times, she is a rounded, maternal formation and will always be my first love.  But then came the Tetons.  They were exactly what I had been craving; instant gratification and requiring nothing from me to get some views.  The park offered some great biking and I did that for a whole day.  After all, when the brain is so focused on harvesting oxygen, there is much less energy available for "the dwelling" as I came to call those moments (or hours) when you get lost in your own head.

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And so I spent a few days camping around that area and getting re-acquainted with my tent and sleeping arrangement for one.  Again, on paper it was luxurious.

***

I headed north to Yellowstone, our nation's oldest national park.  And was promptly smacked in the face by the tourist scene.  My first wildlife sighting up there was a small group of harassed elk trying to just find some shade to hang out in...but alas, the elk were pursued by an unrelenting barrage of tele-photo lenses.  I had no idea what this park was all about in the crowded summer months.  RVs everywhere and spectacular people watching, especially the parent/teenager combination.  It is truly a magnificent place I can not wait to return to...in the winter.  Key take-away: So thankful people can't drive themselves around Denali National Park.  

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Ironically, my favorite part about this trip was the people I encountered.  It's always encouraging to see folks enjoying the outdoors, whatever their comfort level.  I was reminded of Ted (name changed), a guest I hiked with back in Alaska.  Ted had had both knees replaced and while the inner image of a younger, sprier man shined through his eyes, his body had forsaken him.  We decided to take a mile-long hike to an overlook of a glacier, close enough to feel the frigid air that comes off the ancient ice.  Ted tottered along and we took each step with care.  We eventually reached the glacier, and his wife was in tears because this was the most Ted had walked since the surgeries.  Ted was pretty damn proud too and relished the cool breeze that greeted us.  Some days it's all we can do to walk that mile and I was glad to see a lot of Teds in Yellowstone; some who had waited their entire lives to see these sights and saved their pennies for years to share it with their families.

***

I ended my trip with visits to several friends in Montana and Colorado.  Quiet time is a necessity and crucial to self-progression...but it can also circle back to Crazy Town if you're not careful to temper it with great people along the way.  The ones who let you cry in your whiskey and help you laugh through the tears.  They help you to accept, process, embrace, and celebrate the things that aren't "on paper" and walk with you when you turn the page.  

***

Excited to finish school this fall and begin again.  For a visual recap, here's a short movie of videos and stills from my trip, the iphone video camera performed stellar-ly.  Hope all is well in your worlds!

Because Life Goes On

As I pack up the part of the apartment that isn't mine, I reflect on the day I've had.  A friend invited me to go backpacking in the Tetons, I almost finished updating my cute little truck, I have delicious home brewed beer to sip, the guy I loved isn't an asshole, just a realist (granted reality struck a little late in the game), and most importantly (yes today, this is the most important thing), friends invited me to dinner.  We all cooked and laughed around the table.  Two Americans, a Brazilian, and two lovely people from Kosovo sat down to break bread.  We talked about politics, family, global wars, discussed trips we've been on, and talked about our futures, because life keeps happening.  Every single day!  A fact that has eluded me as of late.

We are work partners, classmates, each others' sounding board for those wacky ideas after one too many beers, and most importantly a port in the storm.  While I may be processing my personal life online, for all to see, I know it's my friends who will read it and draw out the conversation later.  They wait for the quiet moment and pounce, they even throw in a "Well, it's time to buck the f*ck up).  Which is usually necessary in times of wallowing.  As Jane Austin said "Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love."  Right on lady!

The friends we make in this life are the most important investment we will make in ourselves and in creating a better society.  If not for friends, there would be no one to call at all hours, no one to share your family stories with, no one to call you on something when you get a little too high on that soapbox, and no one to scrape you off the floor (however you managed to get down there).  Most importantly, there would be much less compassion, less forgiveness, and no fun in general.  (I can only hang out with a corgi and my truck for so long :)  These are all things I've learned from the very important people in my life.

Different sunsets for different people.  Getting excited to follow a different one for now and make some new friends along the way.

A Break-Up Story

What is one to do when her boyfriend dumps her, AND finds he has immediately shacked up again?  So much for recovery time.  That's about the fastest I've seen Rocky move on anything, ever.  "Sigh".  Well if you're anything like me, you would have a good cry, wave goodbye to all sense of trust and dignity, call your best friends who will always be there to scrape you off the floor.....and then go buy a truck.

Two weeks ago Rocky and I began the process of amicably parting ways and divvying up the life we had built together for 3 years.  Sad, yes but hey, he was so consoling I figured he was hurting just the same as me.  I mean, I just had 6 more months to go before graduating and was ready to move our collective life along in a beautiful place to perpetuate the tradition of porch coffee.

But it was not to be.  Alaska is cold and a close friend's body heat is absolutely necessary right?  Never mind that we had made a go of it for years and the light of graduation was at the end of the tunnel.  Once that bit of knowledge was dropped, I couldn't get the checkbook out fast enough to separate myself from all dependencies.  Thanks for the lesson Rocky, duly noted.  And you better thank your stars that I didn't just load up the Subaru and park it on the side of the highway :)

And for me?  Friends are vital and moms are rockstars.  I'm allowed to be snarky and sad for a spell, but I'll enjoy being snarky a whole lot more in my truck.  

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Smart Phone Stroke

A self-indulgent, rant of a post.  You have been warned.

I bought a smartphone.  This decision was not an easy one as my poor sales-guy at the shop can tell you.  Perhaps it was the two-year commitment Verizon straps you into, maybe it was the fact that an iphone (my eventual decision) packs more processing power in your palm than what the original space shuttle used, or that it costs more to replace than a couple months of rent.  OR maybe it was the feeling of crossing the phone chasm I knew had been looming around the bend for some time now.  Is there really no going back after going "smart"?  This vicious cycle of a thought pattern was entering my mind at all hours, making me re-evaluate my priorities.  What the hell was wrong with me?  Fairly certain that I was blogging last June about halibut and hiking; a far cry from gigabytes and dual-core processors.  Of course societal pressure is always great to push you right over the edge and conform.  "You're an MBA student with a dumb phone?" or "Wow, a paper day planner huh?  So vintage."  

While researching phones, plans, carriers, and speculating on where I'll be and what I'll be doing until this contract is up, I drove myself and everyone around me nuts for the last few months.  I even started counting and recording the times I was out and about and would have used a smartphone, just to see if I really could use one or if it was a childish "I NEEEEEEEED it" feeling.   God help anyone around me who whipped out their little hand cannon of a computer to make a call or check their daily schedule.  "Excuse me, sir?  Do you like that phone? What carrier are you with?  Oh family plan...I see.  Well are you happy with it?  What would you have done differently?   And so it went.  While I coveted these little shiny blocks of wonder and efficiency, I had to stop and think: If these things indeed make you more productive on the go, do I even want to be that person who Instagrams everything in a sexy sepia tone or madly swings her phone around trying to "calibrate" so I can get a perfect read on the constellations?  I know, I know... privileged person problems.  See the following for another example of this condition so you understand that I understand I'm ridiculous...

Ireland - $2500
Malta - $1500
Australia - $2000

I don’t have $6000.

With all of this mind-numbing knowledge, I decided that it is ok to make the jump.  Because maybe...just maybe, if I finally made this decision, I could stop obsessing about it and move on.  So, game day.  I plotted my week out on my paper calendar and realized that I could indeed upgrade on the same day Verizon launched their new plan, the share everything.

Entered the store with shaky legs and nearly yelled my name to the nice guy at the door que-ing up people ready to take the plunge as well.  Actually, they were all on their  4th or so smartphone and looked at me like I had the plague...probably due to my red faced, sweaty demeanor.  I was about to sign a contract for another TWO YEARS!!!!!!  Does anyone else freak out when they sign a contract? You SHOULD!  Think about all that has happened in the last two years, it is a very long time!  

Salesman spoke slowly and walked me around the store in a few circles to let me touch all the pretty screens.  Salesman then started talking plans and I kept up, inserting my needs and pre-determined criteria when necessary.  Not sure why I hinged my decision on coverage in Alaska.  I don't work there at present and visits are a few weeks max at a time.  But I think this is a gene passed from my Dear Mother, the woman who, when purchasing a camp stove made sure it would run on all sorts of combustibles, including jet fuel.  Just in case the zombie apocalypse does happen and we have to hole up in an Air Force base and MUST boil water for survival with no other materials to burn.....

So, I stuck with the iPhone 4s, 3g coverage is JUST FINE.  Since it's my first one, it's magical anyways and works in way more areas than the 4g territory.  Yes I know other phones switch back and forth but the deal breaker for me was design.  I am still a slave to Apple.  They may not give a damn about customer freedom and continue to reign supreme over the land of unnecessary new product roll-outs, but their style just screams at me.  Actually, it's more a subtle whisper, Apple is too cool to scream.  "Buy me, I'll solve alllll your problems."  "Come on, you know you want to swipe my screen just one more time to see if you've gotten a text in the last 15-seconds."  "Apps? Oh yes, I rule the app game.  Sibley's bird guide has never looked better"  And so I caved.  

My shaky credit card signature must have looked like I was in the middle of having a stroke.  As Salesman was piling the counter high with accessories..."Sir, do I really need the pack of 7 screen protectors?"  "Well yes, otherwise you won't get the (minuscule) discount on your allegedly bomb-proof case that is absolutely essential to your phone's survival"  At this point I was so glazed over I just needed to get out of the money-sucking store.  "Bag it up and get me out of here, Salesman."  Walked through the doors and immediately took a solid 90-seconds to figure out how to call my mom.  "Well now what are we going to talk about?" 

Today I am headed out to touch my tomato plants and attend a clam bake.  Friends and food, what it's really about...and probably an Instagram pic or two....